Today, I celebrate what would have been my third wedding anniversary. On July 20th, 2019, Brady and I stood before our closest friends and family and vowed a lifetime of love to one another. Neither one of us believed that our marriage would end just four months later, on November 25th, when Brady died of bone cancer.
It feels like I walked down the aisle in my big beautiful ballgown yesterday. I can still see Brady waiting for me at the altar, his eyes filled with tears. I can still hear him saying his vows, promising to love me for the rest of his life. I can still feel his hands holding mine as my father married us on that hot summer day. These three years since that day have felt like three seconds. If I close my eyes, I can convince myself that I’m standing at that church in New Stanton with my new husband.
After becoming a widow, people started to ask me so many questions. A popular one has been: do you regret marrying him?
Even typing those words makes my eyes water because that curiosity could only come from a soul that does not know the kind of love I experienced with Brady. I guess some people wonder if the length of our marriage was worth the hassle, or maybe some wonder if the sadness that came from grieving Brady outweighed the joy of us being together.
As Brady approached his death and his body withered away, I began to fear the overwhelming emotions that would overcome me. I anticipated being knocked out by the waves of grief, and I expected my heart to be forever shattered and broken. I believed that the pain of losing Brady would be just as great as the happiness of us having each other. Since we were so happy together, I prepared myself to be equally as heartbroken at his death.
After he took his final breath, my world crumbled, and all my dreams for the future seemed to crash down at once. The hope of him getting better was gone, and I was left as a teenage widow. However, the pains of grief did not sting as much as I expected them to. Though I was hurting, my love for Brady was still greater than the heartache that came with his death.
The gift of love is always better than the pain of grief.
I certainly don’t regret marrying Brady Jakob Hunker. Choosing to marry him is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I happily chose to marry him because I happily chose to love him, and my life has been better since I made the decision to love.
Loving him wasn’t easy, and it forced me to lay my life down for him every day. Love will always require something from us. Love cannot be painless. Love cannot be free from sacrifice.
Though it will come with a cost, the decision to love is always the best one.
Three years ago today, I made a lifetime commitment to love my husband. That lifetime commitment was far shorter than I anticipated, and I experienced far more sorrow at the hands of love as a teenager than I expected. However, I don’t regret my decision to love and marry Brady. Loving him and grieving him is so much better than never loving him at all.
As I move forward, I will continue to choose love in the face of uncertainty, difficulty, and hardship. As my life goes on, I will continue to put myself aside for the sake of others. Though it may pain me, I will always choose to love.
Photo: Anna Laero Photography
So thankful for this post. Pictures of your wedding came up on my Facebook Memories this morning, which caused bitter-sweet feelings. I am so thankful for the time you had with Brady and your faithful decision to marry and spend what time you had with him, while at the same time feeling your grief and praying for God’s strength to continue to see you through. As the knight said to Indiana Jones, “you have chosen wisely.” Blessings, sister! ~Pastor John
Continuing to be encouraged by your courage and faith.
~Michael
Molly, this post is so beautifully written.