Happy Birthday

Dear Brady,

Today would be your 19th birthday. You never really cared about your birthday, and most years we celebrated your birth on a day other than May 6th. If you were alive and healthy, we would be spending this day studying for finals together in isolation! I probably would’ve attempted to cook dinner for you, but you would’ve made fun of me for burning everything.

I probably would’ve gifted you a trip of some sorts because your favorite gifts always involved experiences…or car parts.

I’ve spent a lot of time the past couple of weeks thinking about how I will spend your birthday without you, and I’ve wondered what you would want me to do, today. It didn’t take me long to realize what you would wish for me.

You would want me to be happy. So, I will try to do some things today that make me laugh and smile even though I would prefer to stay under the covers for the duration of the day.

I feel a constant sadness and emptiness without you here, but I won’t allow this sadness to consume me. Instead, I will allow this grief to push me closer to God. And, I’ll allow this grief to push me to share about your story…our story.

I’m smiling and crying for you, today. But, I keep going. I keep living through these awful days because I promised you that I would.

You were right that day in November when you said “I love you and I want you to be happy; you already know everything else.” I do already know everything else.

I know what you would say to me today if you could communicate with me. You would say…

“I’m so glad that you’ve found friends who care about you almost as much as I do.”

“I’m so proud of you for starting the book we dreamed about.”

“You need to be more courageous about killing the spiders in that apartment, they’re not going to hurt you! Just smash them!”

“I’m so glad that you are FINALLY getting a kitty this month.”

“I love you, and my love is always with you.”

I know that your love is always with me. And, I will continue to love you by living the life you wanted me to live.

Happy birthday, Brady.

With all of my love, Mollie.