A storm came through Grove City a couple of weeks ago, and when I left work to go home that day, I was expecting to walk out into a downpour. To my surprise, the rain had lightened up and the sun began to peek through the dark gray clouds. When I got outside, the sun was shining so bright that my eyes were forced to squint, but it was also raining hard enough for my socks to become damp from walking on the wet ground.
When I looked up at the sky, I saw the stormy clouds and lightning strikes to my right, and to my left, I saw our bright sun coloring the clouds pink and orange. I couldn’t help but notice that the sky mirrored my own life for I find myself in the midst of both storm and sunshine.
Currently, I feel the Lord’s love as truly as I felt the sun’s warmth on my face. And, I feel the ache from the sorrows that accompany a widow just as I felt the raindrops land on my cheek. My eyes still squint at God’s goodness, unable to fully absorb His holy ways. And still, my wet and sore feet remind me of the traumatic path that they’ve had to travel on.
In the aftermath of immense loss, I have realized that seemingly contrasting feelings are often present at once. In the past, I thought I could only be sad, or I could only be happy; my emotions had to be one-dimensional. I now know that human feelings are much more nuanced and more complicated than that. Today, I have great joy and excitement as I think about the plans that God has in store for me; and, I also experience intense heartache and grief as I remember all that I lost when Brady died.
I have also realized that my life does not have to be enjoyable or pain-free in order for God to be faithful. He is good and shows His love for me in all the seasons of my life.
As I continued to reflect on this Grove City sky, I was reminded of the rainbow that Noah and his family saw after getting off of the ark after the great flood. This rainbow represented God’s promise of never destroying the earth via a flood again, and now we know that rainbows don’t appear on purely sunny days. They show up when sunshine and precipitation are both present, when light and darkness meet.
God has used this incredibly sad season of my life to reveal His promises of eternal peace and lasting joy. For in this time of darkness, I have seen a great light. I have felt and experienced God’s goodness and faithfulness in new faith-filled friendships, Spirit-inspired songs, and in the comfort that can only come from Christ.
These are my God-given rainbows that I see where blessing and trauma meet face-to-face, for I would not have experienced all of my recent joys and beautiful encounters if it had not been for Brady’s death. Now, both happiness and heartbreak fill up my life just like the sun’s rays and stormy clouds both filled Grove City’s sky.
My life will never resemble the clear sunny skies as it did in the past, but I will choose to be grateful that God will always use my present circumstances to show His timeless and steadfast love.
It is raining, even pouring at times, and still, God shines down on me and gives me hope for my future.