It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog on this site. Even though I haven’t publicly posted for months, I have still been processing so many of my thoughts and feelings as I’ve continued to grieve my husband’s death. Attending college this fall (in person) has given me the privilege of processing these emotions with close friends who have ears that yearn to listen and hearts that try to understand my pain.
Somehow, without my desire and permission, the calendar has made its way back to the dreary and bleak month of November. Before Brady’s death, November was a month of anticipation for the holiday season. It was the month that Brady and I celebrated the official start of our relationship. It was the month that I celebrated the start of my relationship with the Lord. It was a month filled with purely happy memories.
Now, when I think about November, I will always think about the last weeks of Brady’s life that were spent in his childhood home. I will always remember the restless nights and traumatic mornings that I spent next to my lover as the cancer took control of my husband’s body. I will always remember this month as the last month I spent with my love; November will always remind me of the hardest goodbye I’ve ever had to say.
One night, weeks before his death, Brady sang these words from a Jeremy Camp song in between deafening screams of agony: There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears. There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face.
My heart broke as Brady sang these words because I knew that for his suffering to end, he would have to leave this world. He would have to leave me.
Brady spent the next weeks in complete torture as his body betrayed him and deteriorated to nothing. He became trapped in his earthly temple; the only way out was death.
Being by Brady’s side at the end of his life was the hardest, most torturous thing I pray I’ll ever have to go through. I sat by him feeling completely helpless as I watched the man I love wither away.
On the morning of November 25th in 2019, Brady was released from this worldly trap of suffering and ascended into the beautiful world above where he met his Father and Savior. November 25th was an incredibly sad day for all of us who love Brady, but for Brady himself, it was the best day of his life. It was the day he embraced Jesus for the very first time.
On that morning, Brady experienced perfect joy, restoration, and healing. So, on his deathaversary, I cry as I remember the goodbyes I had to say to my wonderful and loving husband. But, I also rejoice today as I imagine the joyous reunion Brady experienced one year ago.
There is pain in this night. So much pain. The heartache is so intense and the grief shakes me to my core.
But, I rest with peace knowing that one day I will also be eternally free from all of my grief and sorrow. One day, I will also see Jesus face to face and feel His perfect embrace. Even though tonight hurts, I have hope knowing that there will be a day when joy will come in the morning.
Photo: Wild Native Photography
Continued prayers and love Mollie. 💕
Mollie, I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around the fact that you take the time to share yours and Brady’s love and journey.
Thank you. As my eyes fill with tears I cling to your every word; words that are so beautifully and well written in a God loving perspective. You are truly an inspiration of unconditional Godly love. I pray that you always have peace especially today. I pray that you feel not only Bradys presence today more than ever but God’s arms around you as he holds you two close. I pray that you truly know how precious you are that at your young age to LOVE Brady until the end of this earthly life. You really dignify Bradys death. Even though you don’t know me for that I Love you Mollie and forever Brady too.
Big Hugs and Prayers, Julie Minton xoxo
Mollie-
I am totally amazed at how you have graciously lived this last year without Brady. Your Dad always described Brady as “the perfect” son-in-law and I think it was because He had the “perfect” daughter to be able to handle everything you have been through and do it with grace! You have been through more things in your short life than most people will go through in 80 years of life, and you have always thanked God for everything, whether it be something good or something bad! You are one inspiring lady and I am so excited for you and still pray for your peace in knowing the Lord and knowing Brady is well taken care of now! Stay strong and I pray you still have an amazing life to live on this earth before you live your perfect eternal life! I love you – Cindy and Buddy
You are such a strong woman of faith! Thank you for sharing your most difficult days with us. Prayers for you as you navigate through this month. Hold tight to your faith….you are an inspiration to many!
The imprints of time and memory are real and mysterious. So are the ways that God somehow breaks through with moments that connect us to eternal love and presence. It is a rollercoaster and it changes how we think and experience this life. May grace be with in all the realness of life and grief and faith.