There’s Something Missing

I started back as a student at Grove City College last week, and I am currently living in the home that Brady and I had together.

I guess some would say my life is starting to go back to normal. While I disagree, entirely, with this idea that my life will ever reach normalcy, I would agree that I am moving in some sort of forward direction (if that’s even possible).

Within the past week, I’ve encountered a lot of familiar experiences. I found myself walking on the same sidewalks that I walked on in September. I found myself speaking with the same professors that I had met in the fall. I even found myself in similar friend groups and activities.

Though I don’t think I have to mention that something, someone, is missing from my past life here in Grove City. While part of me is glad to be back in some sort of stable environment, I am reminded of Brady’s absence everywhere I look, everywhere I go.

I am reminded in the morning that I have no one to wake up to, no awful morning breath to smell. I am reminded in the evening that I no longer have a personal, and passionate chef to cook for me. I am reminded on the weekends that I have no one to take me out to a run-down Chinese restaurant (that should totally be shut down for health reasons). I am reminded when it snows or when it’s garbage day that I have no one to help me complete the mundane chores of adulthood.

I am constantly reminded that I have no one; I have lost someone who cannot be replaced.

And yes, of course, I know that I have people in my life who cherish, and support me. But, I have lost my partner, my person, my love.

Even though it seems that I am am taking some steps in the right direction, I will always feel the void where Brady used to be walking beside me.

Photo: Wild Native Photography