Last Christmas, in 2019, was the first Christmas I spent without my husband. It was also just 30 days after he died in front of me. That entire month of December may have been the most depressing one in my entire life, and I was in no mood to celebrate Christmas.
Christmas was Brady’s favorite holiday, and it felt impossible to cheerfully celebrate the season without my person by my side. I wanted to skip the day, skip the season, and just skip that time altogether. I’m glad I didn’t.
I work as a Walmart cashier, and one of my favorite parts of my job is that I am able to talk to so many people as I check them out. So many of my customers have told me that they aren’t getting together with family and have to celebrate Christmas alone. Exhausted mothers tell me that they have little money left to make the holiday magical for their little ones. Others explain that their parents just died. The suffering seems endless as I see the weary and somber eyes of the people across my register.
This Christmas, the world seems to be mourning more than they are rejoicing. And, I understand that. I was definitely mourning more than rejoicing last year, and I understand how lonely the grief can make us feel. While I certainly didn’t want to have such a painful Christmas last year, I’m glad that those emotions can be used for me to deeply empathize with others.
To those who are hurting this Christmas, I see you. My heart is with you today, and as much as one can, I understand.
I’ve learned a lot about grief this year, and I’ve also experienced tremendous growth in my relationship with the Lord. I’ve learned that sorrow and joy can indeed exist in the same season, on the same day, in the same moment. Today, I am sorrowful because my amazing guy is not enjoying this beautiful white Christmas with me. And today, I am filled with so much joy as I reflect on the birth of my Savior. Both of these feelings are so present at once, and that is okay.
So, to those of you hurting this holiday, give yourself the grace to feel all the pain that comes with the grief of all the loss this year. And, I encourage you to allow yourself to feel all the joy that comes with this miraculous holiday. No matter what feelings come, feel them, and allow them to coexist. Above all, know that you are not alone in your sorrow, and one day—maybe even today, joy will come.
With love and gratitude for your sharing your journey of grief and healing with us. May the presence of our God in Christ give you comfort and hope this Christmas day! ~Pastor John and Pat
Your messages inspire me and give me hope for a better tomorrow. 2020 was a very bleak year for my family having lost a total of 5 cousins this year. Three of the 5 were brothers, ages 14,16 and 20 and they died in a space of 5 months apart. I lost my Mother on Christmas day in 1993 and it took me a long time to get over with that loss. But when I think of the true meaning of Christmas and how much it meant to her, I realize that I have been truly blessed. I thank the Good Lord for coming into my life and making me a child of his. My sincere hope that 2021 will bring all Peace and Joy. Praise God.