After losing my husband, Brady, I quickly realized that the world has no idea how to deal with the “grief stricken” (AKA – me, along with lots of other people).
Educating others about grief is one of the reasons for starting this blog. I hope that by sharing my experience with tragedy, I can encourage others to be better at supporting those who have had immense loss.
For some reason, our society has been conditioned to think that the best way to talk to a grieving person is to completely ignore the topic of their dead person, or even change the subject if it comes up!
Please don’t do that.
This has happened to me so much since Brady died (which happened less than three weeks ago). I have started to talk about Brady to friends and the subject is changed immediately. Peers have sent me texts and left voicemails expressing how sorry they are “for what happened.” People talk around the subject of Brady’s death without ever mentioning him.
When someone avoids the name of my husband, I feel even more pain and isolation. It feels like Brady’s life has become a taboo subject that can’t be talked about. Or, it feels as if others have forgotten about Brady, and then I feel that I am the only one who remembers and misses him. Worst of all, I feel that I have to keep all these thoughts of Brady to myself so I can make others around me more comfortable.
I think some people avoid talking about a dead person in fear that those who love him/her will break down and “lose it” (we might). But, I would rather have a meltdown because someone told me their favorite memory of Brady. It would still be better than talking about the weather.
The best times of my life were spent with Brady. The worst times of my life are because of what happened to Brady. Brady is still a major part of who I am, even though he’s dead! So, please let me talk about him. Ask me how we met. Or tell me the funniest thing he ever told you. Maybe tell me how his life has changed yours.
Whatever you say, please don’t avoid his name.
Well said Mollie. This will help so many people, both those grieving and those of us that just don’t know what to say.
Beautiful!
You have been in my prayers Mollie. Brady was an inspiration to many and a great reason to continue to talk about him.
Mollie,
That note was educational to me.
I just figured you might be so overwhelmed already with people talking to you that you might not know what to do with all that input to your mind already, so, only offered sympathy to you, and, only briefly.
It is so different to hear from someone like you, who, still loves and misses Brady, thinks about him all the time, wishes he could still be with you, and, to also consider that you had a Brady who liked and loved you and actually wanted to stay and keep being with you … he just wasn’t able to, is all.
Perhaps it seems different and mystifying because I, and numerous others, are single through breakups that involved a lot of emotional and psychological negativity and mistreatment. With enough of that, you emotionally and psychologically disconnect yourself substantially from your former companion, leave them put away in the back of your mind somewhere, name and all, and, go onward with your life as if the person wasn’t around you all that much before …
So, is so different to hear you describe it from yours and Brady’s situation instead of how a lot of others of us wound up single … Sort of mystifying, even, actually … to try to think of it as you describe it … Maybe that’s some of it. Numerous of us aren’t used to missing our former companions all that much … Maybe we do some …, but, not nearly so much as you miss Brady. We then marvel at how different that must have been for you and Brady … different than it was for others of us … We sort of don’t really understand enough, don’t really know what to say then …
Mike
Hi Mollie. I went to school with your mom and your Uncle Pat, and to church with your Uncle Tom and Aunt Monteen in Fairchance. I’ve been following your journey this past year. Your wedding pictures were so beautiful that many brought tears to my eyes. I could see the story of your love and the strength of God in both your and Brady’s eyes. You both have an amazing story. And Brady has touched so many lives along the way, lives even of people he never met. I am praying for you daily Mollie, that God will comfort you as only He can. What a strong young woman you are. I believe in heaven there will many who come to you and to Brady and tell how your story led them to salvation through Jesus Christ.
Dearest Mollie,
I lift you up in prayer. You are so very wise. I grieve along with you, as Marlene, my wife of almost 41 years passed away in September. She also had a journey to survive cancer, and that is exactly what Brady and she did they survived to be with us the ones they loved so very much. Thank you for your wonderful words. I know how you feel, when I mention Marlene in conversation I see how people react to me saying her name. Often I also feel a tension or awkwardness. Again thank you for wonderfully expressing how I feel. May our Lord hold you close and may we both continue to say the names of Brady and Marlene for they are forever in our heart.
In Christian Love,
Jim
Hugs and prayers to you. You are spot on with With blog entry. I did t know the 2 of you personally but my Mom and Brady’s Grandmother Lori are very good friends. I have prayed for both of you and will continue to say a prayer. You and Brady have a beautiful story with memories that will live on in your heart forever♥️Hugs….
Mollie if you ever want to talk about anything you know as your friend and a person I’ll be there for you and listen to what you have to say just know I’m here for you
Mollie this is so beautiful and so right. 0eople dont understand how hard it us. You r very strong your belief is outstanding. I oblyveish I new Brady better than what I dif6. He has changed so many lifes. Keep his memory alive..
Hi Mollie, My interaction with Brady was brief in context – hockey practice and games. I will share with you that however short those moments were, he made a lasting impression. His genuine kindness and never-ending smile drew people to him – peers and adults, and in following his journey I began to understand why. Brady loved Jesus and that relationship was present in all he did and was. He leaves a lasting impression on so so many.
Mollie I must say this is beautiful. Although I didn’t have the opportunity to meet Brady in person I have had the opportunity to hear his story through a mutual friend of the family. This young man is nothing shy of remarkable and the love he had for you and his family is forever and will not dim. My thoughts are with you and your family forever!❤️
I remember when him and his sister were little and their mom and dad would bring them into my work which was Fantastic Sam’s and he was so polite and sweet even as a little boy!!! It’s crazy how when your a hairstylist or just work with the public you remember certain people or children! And I think 2 years ago my parents where at a yard sale in Scottsdale or mt.pleasant and they bought my daughter his little sisters bike, she wanted to raise money for her brother so sweet!!! I’ll always remember that smiling sweet funny little boy who I had the pleasure of cutting his hair a few times!!! God bless you and all the family!!!
Molly I did not know u or BRADY but I heard a lot of people talking about u and him and it was all good.I read about u two on Facebook and was so inspired by your journey together.Iam also a widow but was fortunate to hav my husband for 56 yrs but even thou that was a lot of yrs the amt of time u had together is the same when u lose them.I am lk u in that I enjoy talking about him and the good memories that we had and that helps 2 keep me going.So glad that u and Brady were both a child of God.U know where he is now and u know that he is pain free and u know that one day u will b together once again. That is what gives me the strength to go on.As u know if u hav God on ur side u cannot lose. Take care and God Bless and watch over u as your Brady is doing
Mollie, I commend you for your honesty. Your insight as you walk this journey will help others navigate the experience of grief. I witness this so much as I help folks who are grieving the loss of a loved one. May you continue to see the ways in which Brady’s life influenced the lives of so many.
For those who may find it difficult to deal with the holidays, the following link is a good resource.
http://bit.ly/SurvivingSpecialDays