In the first few weeks following my husband’s death, I was exhausted, unmotivated, and lonely. I slept most of the day, and I did a lot of crying in bed. Also, since my family was either at school or at work, I found myself alone a lot.
Once I went back to college in January, a lot of those feelings subsided. I was obviously still very sad, but being surrounded by people helped.
I found great comfort in the friendships that I made at Grove City. My friends made me feel seen and heard. I still missed Brady, immensely; but, I felt less alone when I had loving friends all around me.
Living through this pandemic is hard on all of us. We are all experiencing loss in some capacity. The last week or so, I have felt a lot of the things that I felt immediately after Brady died. I have been sleeping way too much, I don’t have any motivation to do my schoolwork, and I am experiencing loneliness since I am living on my own in my new home.
If Brady were here, we would be having a blast at home together. We would probably be starting a new Netflix series. We would probably be playing lots of card games (I would probably lose every time). We would be spending quality time together, just the two of us.
But, he’s not here. Instead of dancing in the kitchen at 2am with my lover, I am grieving his death, alone, in the midst of a global crisis.
We are not supposed to go through grief alone, yet here I am. And, my heart goes out to all of those who are grieving the loss of a loved one in isolation. It’s not supposed to be this way.
I miss my friends. I miss my family. And…gosh…I miss Brady so much.
I am reminding myself to live this life one day at a time. Soon, I will be reunited with the ones I love. Eventually, I know I will also be reunited with the man who has my heart.