Since Brady’s death in November, I have felt this gap that separated me from the world. While I was here sitting in my grief, the world was somewhere else. The world carried on, and was filled with happy and successful individuals who were living their best lives. This separation made me feel so alone; it felt that I was the only one who was hurting.
The gap that separates me from the world is now thinning. As a young widow, I consistently experience loneliness, sadness, and misfortune. As the world suffers during this pandemic, more people are understanding and experiencing disappointment, frustration, and heartbreak.
There is something strangely comforting about this thinning gap. I feel less alone in my own despair when I know that others experience sorrow, too. Hardships are universal now. Not everyone feels these trials to the same extent, but almost every person is hurting due to this virus and its effects.
While part of me feels less alone in these trying times, my heart still breaks for those who suffer.
My heart breaks for the elderly persons in nursing homes who can’t see their family as much due to restrictions on visitors. My heart breaks for the people with compromised immune systems; they are experiencing a legitimate fear for their lives as this virus spreads. My heart breaks for the kids whose Make-A-Wish trips were postponed due to traveling restrictions. Many of these children will die in the next few months, and they won’t get to experience their joy-filled trip…there’s no “next year” for them.
And, my heart breaks with my fellow widows spread out across the world. We were already lonely in our grief, and now due to social distancing, many of us are physically separated from all of our supportive friends and family. Living alone has always been rough; these dark times only remind me more of Brady’s absence.
I wish Brady was here with me. I hate being a widow, and I hate that I have to live this life without him. While I am so incredibly devastated due to the loss of my husband, I am also immensely grateful for the love that I shared with him.
In these times, I am filled with both grief and gratitude. As the gap between me and the world thins, I hope others will also be encouraged to fill their hearts with thankfulness as they suffer.