Widow at 19

Most people are ashamed or regretful about the worst parts of their lives. A broke person won’t brag about their $100,000 of debt. A drug addict doesn’t want to mention their addiction. An adulterous man doesn’t want to explain why his ex-wife divorced him. Being widowed at the young age of 19 has been the […]

I hate cancer. I don’t hate much in this world, but I hate cancer with every fiber of my being. My husband died of Ewing Sarcoma (bone cancer), and I saw how the disease betrayed him and deteriorated his body without Brady’s permission. From the nausea to the back pain to the numbing of his […]

Recently, I have started to work at Walmart as a cashier. There are many pros to this job, but my favorite aspect of this work is that I have the opportunity to talk to hundreds of people each day. It is not rare for me to talk with my customers about their upcoming weekends, or […]

When I was thirteen years old, I desperately wanted a ragdoll kitten. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the ragdoll breed, ragdolls are big, beautiful, and affectionate cats who typically form an incredibly close bond with their owners. I was drawn to these animals and I begged my parents to allow me to […]

It feels like I became a widow yesterday. It feels like only 24 hours has passed since my young husband took his last breath, but it’s been six months. At the same time, it feels as though I’ve always lived alone. It feels like Brady has been gone for years, but it’s been six months. […]

Most people think of sympathy and empathy as interchangeable ideas. The reality is that sympathy and empathy are completely different in practice, and after becoming a widow, I’ve been shown both. Sympathy, according to my quick google search, is the “feeling of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.” I would say most everyone feels […]

Dear Brady, Today would be your 19th birthday. You never really cared about your birthday, and most years we celebrated your birth on a day other than May 6th. If you were alive and healthy, we would be spending this day studying for finals together in isolation! I probably would’ve attempted to cook dinner for […]

When my husband died in November, countless people told me that my pain would get better in the future. They told me that “time heals all wounds.” Several friends and family members told me this lie except for a couple that lost their son seven years ago. When I saw them for the first time […]

The day was April 18th, 2019. It was Maundy Thursday, the Thursday before Easter. My high school conducted an early dismissal the day before each holiday break throughout the school year. This meant that I had a half a day of school on this Thursday in April before my short Easter break began. Brady went […]

This Easter obviously looks a lot different than most. For the first time in my life, I didn’t spend this joyous morning in my white tights at my home church fellowshipping with others. Instead, I woke up alone. This morning was still and quiet. The Easter bunny didn’t show up for me, I was only […]