Widow at 19

Today is Saturday, July 20. The last time that this date fell on a Saturday was on my wedding day in 2019. My wedding day was five years ago. Five years. Five years seems like such a long and significant block of time. I don’t know how the years have passed by so quickly. If […]

It’s now been four years since Brady died. A lot can change in four years, and a lot of things in my life have changed in the past four years. Since 2019, I graduated from college, established new lifelong friendships, joined a Christian music ministry, tried dating again, chose love again, got married again, moved […]

2019 was a year of change for me. It was a year of milestones, a year of love, and a year of loss. It was the year I got engaged, the year I graduated high school, the year I got married, the year I started college, and the year I became a widow. Every single […]

I am dating again. After almost three years since Brady died, I am now in my first romantic relationship as a widow. I did not plan to enter the dating scene when I did. I was not on any dating apps and wasn’t actively seeking out a relationship. But when a guy asked me out […]

“I absolutely love my life right now! I feel like God is filling my life up with so many blessings, and I am so grateful! Cherishing this season as long as it lasts.” I remember the moment I wrote those words in June of 2019. My life really was so wonderful. I was getting ready […]

Today, I celebrate what would have been my third wedding anniversary. On July 20th, 2019, Brady and I stood before our closest friends and family and vowed a lifetime of love to one another. Neither one of us believed that our marriage would end just four months later, on November 25th, when Brady died of […]

Some days it’s hard to get out of bed. The weight of this world and the burdens of my grief cover me like a weighted blanket and I struggle to find the strength to rise. Today is one of those days. Four years ago, on March 9th in 2018, my worst nightmare became a reality: […]

My heart is heavy today. As the rest of the world rejoices with loved ones on this romantic holiday, I find myself paralyzed by grief. My body aches and my focus is stuck on the February of 2019. For Valentine’s Day three years ago, Brady gave me a mason jar filled with small pieces of […]

Two years ago, Brady departed this world on the morning of November 25th. It was the Monday before Thanksgiving, so three days after sending my husband’s dead body off with the funeral director, I had to sit around a dinner table and celebrate the holiday of gratitude. It seems too cruel and too terrible that […]

Grieving—the process of coping with immense loss—looks different to everyone and will change at various points in the grieving process. Recently, grief has presented itself to me in a disguise of fatigue. No matter how much rest I get, I cannot dodge the wave of exhaustion that sweeps over me. Although my mind is constantly […]

Those who know me well know that I value feelings and emotions far more than most. I bet the phrase “feel your feelings” comes out of my mouth at least ten times a day either when I give friends advice or when I’m talking to myself in the car. This idea of recognizing, processing, and […]

Four years ago today, my beloved Brady celebrated an end to months of chemotherapy by ringing the end-of-treatment bell. On the ninth floor of Children’s Hospital in Pittsburgh, he rang the bell signaling an end to having drugs pumped through his body, and it marked a beginning to a healthier and cancer-free life. I remember […]

I don’t know if this is just me and my inability to adapt to the weather, but I think it’s been so incredibly freezing lately. My fingers become numb on the walk to class each morning in the frozen tundra of Pennsylvania. When I arrive home every evening, I crank up the heat and impatiently […]

One year ago today, I was at Kalahari Resort in Sandusky with my family and I spent the day reflecting on the past year. I realized that 2019 had been my best year yet. In that year, I got engaged, graduated high school, married the love of my life, and started college. 2019 was also […]

Last Christmas, in 2019, was the first Christmas I spent without my husband. It was also just 30 days after he died in front of me. That entire month of December may have been the most depressing one in my entire life, and I was in no mood to celebrate Christmas. Christmas was Brady’s favorite […]

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog on this site. Even though I haven’t publicly posted for months, I have still been processing so many of my thoughts and feelings as I’ve continued to grieve my husband’s death. Attending college this fall (in person) has given me the privilege of processing these emotions […]

A storm came through Grove City a couple of weeks ago, and when I left work to go home that day, I was expecting to walk out into a downpour. To my surprise, the rain had lightened up and the sun began to peek through the dark gray clouds. When I got outside, the sun […]

In my short life as a widow, countless people have asked me how they can support me in this long, heartbreaking season. There is no formula or equation for being a supportive friend to someone who is going through life’s greatest tragedies, but I will share some of the best things people have done for […]

The seventh month of the year has brought me so much joy in my time on this earth. The very best days and weeks of my life have occurred in this summer month, and I can’t help but reflect on their memories this July. In 2018, I traveled to South Africa to attend the Global […]

Most people are ashamed or regretful about the worst parts of their lives. A broke person won’t brag about their $100,000 of debt. A drug addict doesn’t want to mention their addiction. An adulterous man doesn’t want to explain why his ex-wife divorced him. Being widowed at the young age of 19 has been the […]

I hate cancer. I don’t hate much in this world, but I hate cancer with every fiber of my being. My husband died of Ewing Sarcoma (bone cancer), and I saw how the disease betrayed him and deteriorated his body without Brady’s permission. From the nausea to the back pain to the numbing of his […]

Recently, I have started to work at Walmart as a cashier. There are many pros to this job, but my favorite aspect of this work is that I have the opportunity to talk to hundreds of people each day. It is not rare for me to talk with my customers about their upcoming weekends, or […]

When I was thirteen years old, I desperately wanted a ragdoll kitten. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the ragdoll breed, ragdolls are big, beautiful, and affectionate cats who typically form an incredibly close bond with their owners. I was drawn to these animals and I begged my parents to allow me to […]

It feels like I became a widow yesterday. It feels like only 24 hours has passed since my young husband took his last breath, but it’s been six months. At the same time, it feels as though I’ve always lived alone. It feels like Brady has been gone for years, but it’s been six months. […]

Most people think of sympathy and empathy as interchangeable ideas. The reality is that sympathy and empathy are completely different in practice, and after becoming a widow, I’ve been shown both. Sympathy, according to my quick google search, is the “feeling of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune.” I would say most everyone feels […]

Dear Brady, Today would be your 19th birthday. You never really cared about your birthday, and most years we celebrated your birth on a day other than May 6th. If you were alive and healthy, we would be spending this day studying for finals together in isolation! I probably would’ve attempted to cook dinner for […]

When my husband died in November, countless people told me that my pain would get better in the future. They told me that “time heals all wounds.” Several friends and family members told me this lie except for a couple that lost their son seven years ago. When I saw them for the first time […]

The day was April 18th, 2019. It was Maundy Thursday, the Thursday before Easter. My high school conducted an early dismissal the day before each holiday break throughout the school year. This meant that I had a half a day of school on this Thursday in April before my short Easter break began. Brady went […]

This Easter obviously looks a lot different than most. For the first time in my life, I didn’t spend this joyous morning in my white tights at my home church fellowshipping with others. Instead, I woke up alone. This morning was still and quiet. The Easter bunny didn’t show up for me, I was only […]

I think a lot of us are frustrated by our greatest blessings. A change in perspective can give us hope and a sense of peace in the midst of darkness. However, know that you don’t always need a changed perspective, and sometimes, there is no silver lining to pain. But, if you’re hungry for hope, […]

I married the love of my life on July 20th, 2019. I woke up that morning, giddy and excited to make the lifelong commitment to my love, Brady Hunker. I really liked being a wife, but I loved being Brady’s wife. I selflessly put him first, no matter the cost. I loved him with every […]

In the first few weeks following my husband’s death, I was exhausted, unmotivated, and lonely. I slept most of the day, and I did a lot of crying in bed. Also, since my family was either at school or at work, I found myself alone a lot. Once I went back to college in January, […]

Since Brady’s death in November, I have felt this gap that separated me from the world. While I was here sitting in my grief, the world was somewhere else. The world carried on, and was filled with happy and successful individuals who were living their best lives. This separation made me feel so alone; it […]

In the spring of 2015, I had the role of Belle in my school’s musical, “Beauty and the Beast.” Everyone knows that Belle kisses the Prince at the end of the story. As a fourteen year old girl who hadn’t kissed anyone before, I was very nervous about kissing the junior boy who played the […]

I recently spent my college spring break singing with my school’s touring choir. We sang in Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, and we also spent some time in South Carolina. I didn’t sleep much, but I had a wonderful time! I was quite apprehensive about going on this tour with the 40+ other members of my […]

I’ve experienced so much growth and joy in the past few days. The Lord is so good to me. He has guided me to some remarkable friends that are on fire for Jesus as much as I am. I have so many stories I could share…there are so many ways God has moved to change […]

Today, for the first time in six years, I am alone on Valentine’s Day. I have always loved February 14th. But now, it’s just a big slap in the face for me. The world is reminding me once again that my husband is no longer with me. Brady never loved Valentine’s Day the way that […]

In the past, I never knew what to say to people who lost their loved ones to death. I felt that everything I said wasn’t enough to express the heartbreak I had for them. I thought that once I experienced immense loss (like losing my husband to cancer), I would suddenly know how to comfort […]

I feel like every time I open Facebook or watch the news, I am faced with tragedy. Teen Dies of Suicide. Man with Child Killed in Daytime Shooting. Families Die in Helicopter Crash. My heart breaks as I see all of these stories, and many others. I am reminded that tragedy doesn’t discriminate; everyone will […]

Since Brady’s death, several people have told me that if I pray enough, God will take away my grief. Basically, if I pray and fully trust in Jesus, my pain and heartbreak will disappear. I honestly don’t know why people think that prayer will fix everything. The Bible is full of faithful people who suffer. […]

On Sunday morning, I woke up and got ready to go to church. Right before I left, I put my wedding band on my left ring finger as I usually do. After church, I went bowling with some friends from Grove City. After bowling, my mother and sister came up to visit me! We all […]

I started back as a student at Grove City College last week, and I am currently living in the home that Brady and I had together. I guess some would say my life is starting to go back to normal. While I disagree, entirely, with this idea that my life will ever reach normalcy, I […]

Sometime after Brady was diagnosed with bone cancer, he told me he wanted to buy a gold cross necklace. I thought it was a good idea, so I helped him look for some different ones. We went to the mall once, and there was a kiosk that was selling some gold cross necklaces! I saw […]

I have recently moved back into the apartment that Brady and I shared together. Some think this is silly, I didn’t think twice about it. Moving back into our home has allowed me to recall so many memories about living here with Brady. On this Sunday morning, I find myself reminiscing even more than usual. […]

For my wedding day back in July, I decided to wear pink nail polish. I got pink gel polish for my fingernails, and I just used “normal” pink nail polish for my toes. I got both sets of nails done at a salon on July 19th, the day before my wedding. My gel polish lasted […]

Before my husband died, my knowledge of grief was extremely limited. Like most people, I thought that there were five linear stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance). And while I’m only six weeks into this “grieving thing,” I can say for certain that my grief does not come in linear stages. Each day […]

For the past month or so, I have spent most of my time by myself. I would not recommend this to anyone, especially those in the midst of immense loss. A few days ago, a friend of mine asked if we could have lunch together. At first, I dreaded the idea of putting in the […]

2019 has been the best year of my life. In January, I was accepted into Grove City College! In March, I went to Disney World with the love of my life! My favorite memory from that trip was that Brady and I rode Test Track with only a 23-minute wait in line. Later in March, […]

I’m not surprising anyone when I say the first Christmas after my husband’s death has been difficult. I just wanted to hide under my fuzzy blanket and sleep through Christmas. I was so tempted to stay home instead of going to my church’s Christmas Eve service, but I went anyway. And, I’m so glad I […]

If Brady was still alive, today would have been our five month wedding anniversary. Days like today creep up on the grieving. It’s not a obvious pain like Christmas or a Birthday, but a day like today would be so different if Brady was here. We would have been celebrating five months of marriage, toasting […]

The Christmas season was Brady’s favorite time of the year. He loved the snow, he loved buying presents for others, he even loved the cheesy Christmas movies. When we got married in July, Brady told me how he wanted to spend our first Christmas together as a married couple. He said he wanted to be […]

Since Brady died, the hardest part of my day has been going to bed. For the past few years, nighttime has always been “Brady and Mollie Time.” When we were both in high school, we would always call each other, or FaceTime, around 9:00 pm to share about our day. Sometimes this chat would only […]

After losing my husband, Brady, I quickly realized that the world has no idea how to deal with the “grief stricken” (AKA – me, along with lots of other people). Educating others about grief is one of the reasons for starting this blog. I hope that by sharing my experience with tragedy, I can encourage […]

Here is a super quick summary of my life with Brady… I met a boy named Brady in 7th grade, and quickly fell for him. We became best friends, and eventually started dating! We did everything together, and Brady always tried his best to make me smile and laugh. Soon after our relationship became more […]

The love of my life died 16 days ago. I am quickly realizing that grief isolates the crap out of you, AND it also destroys your memory! So, I figured I should start a blog! I have SO much to say (and write) about my life, and about my wonderful, (and dead) husband, Brady. I […]